More and Less

What is it about wanting more, but getting less that creates so much distress? And it's not just material objects that I'm talking about. Sometimes I just want more Love in my life. More Peace and more Understanding.

I'm still looking for the secret key that unlocks the barrier to balance and gratitude. Although I do think about that drive for Want. That isn't a bad thing. Creativity and learning and discovery are rooted in wanting to do and be more.

Something to seriously contemplate.

2016, What can I say...?

I thought I had asked the Universe to make 2016 epic... I should have been more specific. 2016 was an epic tragedy instead. I thought I had put it out there that great things were going to happen... I guess I did it wrong... Or did I?

The Universe has a plan... not always the one we want. Do I even have to give an example?! Ok, Trump.... Ya, him. He's our nation's "rock bottom" president... And maybe just the reality check we sorely needed.

What I mean by that is this, his being elected has brought to the surface all the deep dark underbelly thoughts harboring and festering in our society. Now that we know we have a serious problem, we can start to go about really fixing them... for real this time.

Ok, 2017.... let's do this. I intend to be the change for good in 2017.

Namaste.

Mental = Physical

Is your physical health directly linked to your mental health? Are the external stresses we experience on a daily basis playing a major role in how we feel? Yes, I believe it does. I am speaking from my personal experience from this past weekend.

I was "on call" with my work last weekend. From Friday night at midnight until Sunday night at midnight, I was expected to be available for escalations and urgent issues related to my work. Once 12:00 am passed Friday night...into Saturday morning, I was non-stop working. There was no sleep for me (of any real note) until Sunday night. Not only was I sleep deprived, but the stress from the actual work I was doing was very high. At one point, Saturday late afternoon, I was actually yelling at one of my customers because they were frustrating me to no end. Not only did they not really require my help, the help they were asking for wasn't technically help they should have been receiving from me. If they took the time to read the material available to them, they could have easily accomplished their goal.

At that point, I knew I had reached the end of my mental "rope." I felt defeated knowing that I allowed myself to get to that point. All the skills I have learned about letting go and communicating from a place of love went right out the window because of my shear exhaustion. But it just wasn't my mental health that was so hurt, my physical well being was also damaged.

Sunday night when I was attempting to just walk from one room to another, my back went out completely. Totally incapacitated. I do have an existing issue was some disks, so I often have back pain, but this was much worse than the usual ache and stiffness.

I tried to do my usual stretches and relaxation, but it didn't seem to help. By Monday morning, I was bedridden. It's been a very difficult week trying to recover. I firmly believe that the stress and exhaustion from my "on call" weekend directly caused my back to go out. I've not only had to suffer from the back pain, but also the residual effects such as constipation and upset stomach. Thankfully my husband has done a great job with helping me and taking care of our family. He's had to miss work himself in order to care for me.

But he even has his limits. This morning, I was starting to feel better and more mobile, but after my husband snapped at my daughter Casey for something I asked her to do, I felt bad again. My mental state turned angry and resentful and my back pain got worse. Now I feel sad. I feel painted into a corner with no way to escape. This one of those dark times that I must allow and know that it won't last. Although I know this to be true, it is still difficult. I often wish I could turn off my sensitivity to what's happening around me....block the energy that other people send out. I haven't gotten there yet.

I do know that the first step to feeling better is to forgive. I forgive my employer for demanding I work extra hours and I forgive my husband for losing his temper. And I forgive whatever the cause of my back pain is....

Asking the Universe

You have to let the Universe know what you need. And you have to let it know how grateful you are for what you already have. This is very important. But here's the thing, do you really know what you need? Or is it more just desire?

I learned in school some basics about "need." People need; food, clothing and shelter.

Is that it? I don't think so at all. Those items will get you through, but they alone are not enough. So what are the other basic needs then?

1. Love
2. Happiness
3. Fulfillment

There isn't a person born that doesn't need to be loved or want to be loved or to live without love. And we all want to feel happy. But I think the real challenge to human existence is fulfillment.

How do we get fulfillment out of life? This is where I think our modern lifestyle is failing us. If you turn on the television, all you see are ads showing you what you need to buy to feel better....cars, clothes, and prescription drugs. It's a lie. You are being lied to at every turn.

So, I challenge you to ask the Universe for Fulfillment. And you need to ask yourself what that means to you.

I'll start. Okay, Universe (The Source, God, The Higher Power) I ask you for inner peace, deep gratitude for all the abundance in my life and peace in our World. I ask that my family remain healthy and strong and continue to love learning and growing as beautiful people. I ask that I find more calm in my everyday. I ask for an abundance of wealth (wealth of spirit, grace, and comfort.) And Universe, I ask for some really specific items too; I ask for enough money to send my children to The Applewild School.   I ask for the Bank to review the mortgage refinance process and raise the appraisal amount of our house so that we can save extra money each month. I ask that my friends find a way to resolve their personal relationship struggles and find the true love they deserve. And finally, I ask that the good people of The United States of America find a way to elect the most genuine and worthy politician, Bernie Sanders, for our next President in November, 2016.

I send these requests out to the Universe and fully expect the Universe to deliver on them.

Thank you for all that is my life.

Namaste!
 

As time passes...

I have neglected to update my blog in a very long time. A lot of things have happened since the last time I wrote anything. I had a personal set back that began in July 2015. Initially, it was a wonderful life event! I was pregnant again. My husband and I found out the day after our 10th Anniversary. We were excited and nervous. And for the first few weeks, everything went really well.

Then around the 8th week, I started to get really morning sick. And as the time went by, I was getting really ill. At 11 weeks, I had a scare with some bleeding, but the emergency room doctors assured me that everything was going to be fine and that I had nothing to be worried about.

When I followed up with my OB/GYN, things started to change.... The ultrasound detected something wrong with the amount of fluid around my baby. I decided to get the blood screening that detects chromosome issues and it came back that my baby had Downs Syndrome.  Although it wasn't the news I wanted to hear, it didn't change the fact that I wanted this baby and that SHE was already loved. My husband and I were going to love this little girl no matter what.

Well, I continued to get sicker... to the point I couldn't eat or drink anything without it coming back up. I was admitted to the hospital. It was a very rough time. I just wanted the nausea to stop! To add to the already difficult time, I received even more bad news. The ultra-sounds were showing that my baby was having more and more fluid building up.

I had two High Risk Specialist review the health of my baby.... And my health and they both determined that I was in grave risk of certain death... DEATH. ME..... Because of the health of my baby. Her lymph nodes were beginning to shut down and the doctors were concerned that my lymph nodes would start to do the same. It's called Mirror Syndrome. They were also concerned that I may start to suffer from Preeclampsia.

With this information, I was faced with the worst decision I would ever have to make. I would never have terminated my pregnancy in a million years... BUT, as my husband and doctors reminded me, I have two healthy and loving daughters that need their mother ALIVE... So, yes, with a heavy heart and a final ultrasound to make absolutely sure that there wasn't another chance... I decided to terminate my pregnancy.

Her name was Ashley Elizabeth. I have her cremated remains and her foot prints. That is all.

I'm still trying to recover, but it's going to be a long time. Her due date was April 5, 2016. She was only 15 weeks and 3 days when I had to say goodbye.

Sleepless night

Here I am, exhausted and yet I can't fall asleep. My mind has been racing lately. Thinking about our world. So many sad things in the news and almost everywhere I turn. And yet I know that most people are good and that most of us are just trying to live our lives the best way we know how. Then why so much suffering? Why so many evil things going on? People killing, companies exploiting and polluting, governments keeping it's citizens down... It feels so hopeless and overwhelming at times. How can we survive as a planet with all this bad stuff? The answer is Love... But Love can be mysterious sometimes. Do we really know Love?

As a mother, I know the love that I have for my children. It's intense, boundless and painful all at the same time.

I love my husband because he's my other half. Some days I question how much I love him, but when I really think about it, I always come back to the same conclusion... He's my partner, friend, lover and father to my children. He's my family. That's love.

Do I love myself? I think we all question that. I love myself more now than I ever have, but is that enough? I question myself all the time. Am I being a good person? Am I doing a good job at work? Am I a good mother, wife, friend? Does anyone really love me?! (I know the answer is YES)

Allowing Love to be in my life was not as easy as you might think though. When I was a lot younger, I really didn't think I was lovable. And so I let people into my life that fed that belief. But deep down, I knew that wasn't right. I spent a long time climbing my way up to understanding that. And yet, on sleepless nights like tonight, I can still question my worth. Maybe this is just a way of revisiting and remembering and reminding myself that if I want to be loved, I have to give love.

Ying and Yang.
Give and take.
For every action, there is a reaction.

So, it comes down to making a deliberate decision. If Love is the most important something in the Universe, then I have to embrace it. Give love and be loved. Let go of all the reasons why I think I can't be loved. Let go of all the reasons why I think I can't love back.

Love without judgement.

If all the World could love without judgement, then I think Heaven would finally come to Earth.

It's been a long time.

When things are new and bright and simply amazing, there's a lot to say. Now that my experiences have sunk in emotionally and spiritually, there seems a bit less to go on about. It's part of my every day life now. And I am excited to say, that the Reiki practice room is FINALLY ready to receive people seeking healing services!

Some thoughts about life since I've started this journey;

Love and forgiveness are two of the most important things in the Universe.

Kindness is always a better choice.

Never give up on a dream. No matter what you feel or what others may say or think.

We all will die, so decide how you want to live each day. Anger and bitterness will not stop that.

I have a mantra I say every night and when I feel I need it;

"I forgive myself.

I forgive others who may have hurt me in the past.

I live in the Now, the Present.

Thank you Lord and Universe for all that is my life.

I am truly grateful."

Namaste

Amazing progress and so close!

So I asked...

I have a co-worker and friend from Morocco who is also Muslim. Morocco was once a French colony and there is still a lot of French influence there.

So after what's been in the news these last few days regarding the terrorist attacks in France, I asked my friend about his thoughts and feelings.

He was generous to pass along to me what was said in his Mosque today;

(We strongly condemn this brutal and cowardly attack and reiterate our repudiation of any such assault on freedom of speech, even speech that mocks faiths and religious figures. The proper response to such attacks on the freedoms we hold dear is not to vilify any faith, but instead to marginalize extremists of all backgrounds who seek to stifle freedom and to create or widen societal divisions.  "We offer sincere condolences to the families and loved ones of those killed or injured in this attack. We also call for the swift apprehension of the perpetrators, who should be punished to the full extent of the law." )

It is so important to understand that these acts of terrorism are conducted by terrorists, not people with love in their hearts. They are filled with hate and rage.

These people are not representative of any true loving God.

These people chose a path of destruction and violence.

These people have paid for those actions.

Our job is to continue to keep love in our hearts. Find a way to forgive and to teach our children, our friends and everyone we meet, that love is the truth. Love will win.

Namaste

The New Year

"What has 2015 in store for me?" That's a common question. But is it the right question? Living in the present does not allow for speculation like that. So perhaps the more beneficial question is; "what is my intent for today?"

If I set my intention for the day, every day, eventually they will create the year.

So, if I go back to the original question, "What has 2015 in store for me?" then I already now the answer. It is, what ever I intend.

SO, I will set my intention for today. "I intend to be grateful for all the bounty my life has and to act with love in all things."

Namaste

Some catching up to do!

It's been a while since I last updated my Blog. It's been very busy for me in a very good way. There has been progress on the Reiki studio and my "day job" has been improving daily.

What's prompted me to update the Blog just now was a wonderful conversation with a caller from the BBB looking to work my company. We talked about Reiki and what it means, where I'm at in my practice and then we talked about his wife an her back issues. I shared some of my experiences with back pain and recommended Harvard Therapeutic Massage at 280 Ayer Road, Harvard MA 
for acupuncture with Janice Perry and chiropractic with Dale Glow.

Acupuncture and chiropractic care go so well with Reiki. These three forms of healing are centered around allowing your body to heal itself.

So wonderful!

Namaste

Wampanoag Native Americans

Brushing up on some history. I was in the library with my 3 year old daughter when I came across a book about the Wampanoag Native Americans. The quick story shocked me because it felt so close to the past life I described in my regression.

Here are some links that I'm looking at;

http://www.indians.org/articles/wampanoag-indians.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metacomet

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Philip%27s_War

http://www.tolatsga.org/wampa.html

http://www.mashpeewampanoagtribe.com/timeline

Very cool experience September 13th

Wow, life is SO busy. With the start of pre-school and kindergarten for my girls, getting settled as a remote worker in my home office, losing the babysitter and deciding to not hire a new one... Things have been hectic to say the least. But, last Saturday afternoon, I was able to squeeze in some time for my soul.

I attended the Kindred Spirits Potluck at the The Retreat on Elm and met some very nice people on their own spiritual journey. We started off by all sitting around and introducing ourselves and what we practice and what we were hoping to gain from our meeting. I'm always pleasantly surprised by the stories people tell about themselves. We tend to see people and make judgments based on their appearances and when they tell their story, it can wake you up. A constant reminder to never judge.

After everyone spoke about themselves, we had some casual conversation and one lovely lady was concerned about the message she received about saving someone's life. It immediately came to me that it wasn't something to stress about, but look for ways to help as we go about our lives. For example, on my way to the Retreat, I had stopped for gas. At the pump across the way, there was a very young couple clearly having some kind of argument, although they were keeping quiet. When the young woman got into her car, the young man leaned in... Then I saw him hit her arm. It wasn't in a casual manner, but with a lot of force and intent to hurt. At that point I could not just sit by. I walked over to the car, knocked on the hood and pointed at the man. And then I said, "Touch her again and I will call 911." The look on the man was sheer surprise. But he backed away. As soon as he did that, the girl closed the car door and drove away. The man then walked over to his truck, got in it and backed out of the parking spot. He then looked at me... I looked back at him and just pointed my finger again... Gesturing, no! He did say something that made me understand why things like this can happen.. He said, "but I just bought her gas." As if that justifies his behavior.

Hopefully, by breaking up their argument at that moment, it provided some clarity. Hopefully, this young couple were able to stop and just maybe this young man will see that acts of violence are not acceptable forms of behavior. And just maybe, that will save a life.

BUT, that wasn't all.

There was another woman at the potluck that was trained to hypnotize people to help with past life regression. I have been thinking about that a lot lately and was very excited. I asked if she wouldn't mind giving me a session.

So we went in the meditation/reiki room that April has set up at the retreat and discussed what the steps would be. So as I relaxed on the reiki table and slipped into what felt like a very deep meditation, this woman began to walk me through the regression. I visualized a staircase and a hand rail and felt the rail in my hand and the steps under my feet as I began to walk down. At the bottom there were two doors, one purple, one yellow. I immediately picked the purple door. There was an intense bright light shining through this little porthole like window in the door.  I saw and felt the nickel finished door knob and opened the door.

It was still so bright. And then as I looked down at my feet... My very young feet, I saw that I was standing on the beach. I could smell the ocean, feel the cold water under my feet. And then I looked down and I was wearing skins. I turned to see where I was. Up on the beach away from the water line there was a group of people sitting around a huge cast iron pot that was suspended over a cooking fire. There were many Native Americas and a few settlers speaking with one another. I felt fear and sadness as soon as I saw them. I knew right then that we were going to war. This made me cry.

Then she asked me to move ahead. I was then in a bed in a small room, wearing a long white nightgown. I could hear voices talking in the other room. I then got out of bed an opened the door. There was my family sitting in front of the hearth fire in our colonial home. My little son and little daughter were playing some game while my white husband watched them at the table. I felt such love and sadness at the same moment. I knew that I wasn't married for love. But I had such love for my children. And my son was so special to me.

And again she asked me to move forward. I was sitting at a window looking out side at the ocean view. My son was standing there with me. I was in my eighties, or at least very old. Again I cried because I had such a strong sense that my son was the only one who truly understood my life's pain. My family, my original family was killed in the war and I was forced to live a life I would not have chosen, but I loved my children dearly.

And again I moved forward and I was in my bed. I could feel the weight of the blankets on my body. I knew that I was about to die. I could hear the voices in the other room, talking and waiting for me to pass. And so I did. I went up into the air and looked down upon my body. And then I went up higher and was looking down at my house and I saw the whole landscape, the ocean, the forests and the Sun.

But then I immediately when down again and found that I was already within a new born baby....

I had two more lives before we stopped. However, the first one really resonated with me. Afterwards, we talked about the significance of this experience in my current life. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I would prefer to do everything on my own. I have trust issues and often feel let down when I have to rely on someone else. From this past life history, I think I can understand why that is now. As this woman said, what was coming to her from her guides was that my power was taken from me when I lost my family and my people's way of life. I had to live a life I didn't choose. And also, I am sensitive to others when I see it happening to them.... Hence the situation I mentioned on my way to the Retreat.

I think I'd like to explore this more... But wow. What a great experience.

Every bit counts!

Some more progress on the Reiki Studio!

Client Confirmation

Yesterday was  a big day for my Reiki practice. I drove into Boston for a special client. He is an intellectual, scholar, writer, business man with endless connections in the 1% world. He and I have been "Walk for Hunger" walking partners for twenty-plus years. This year when we walked, I told him about my plans to open a Reiki practice from my home. He was immediately interested in my thoughts about Reiki and wanted me to be the first person to perform Reiki on him. Yesterday was the day I provided him with a one hour session.

I was so thrilled on a personal note as to how the session went. There was ease and focus and a mutual relaxation that occurred, such that the hour went by so quickly, I could hardly believe it. When the session was over, my clients face lit up. He proclaimed that although he was skeptical before the session, he was convinced afterwards! Convinced that Reiki offered him something he was never able to get on his own, a deep relaxation and meditation. He said that he'd tried meditation several times over the years, but it was never pleasant for him. He couldn't keep the busy noise of this life out of his mind long enough. But with our session, he said that his mind was perfectly still and calm. He was able to just focus on the music and the hand positions as I moved along through the different locations.

My own experience during the session was one of love and giving. Many times I felt the urge to just smile and breathe. I felt the Universal Life Force Energy really moving through my body, down my arms and out my hands. I felt a tremendous sense of gratitude for the opportunity to offer this wonderful energy.

I look forward to repeating this feeling!

This is how important human touch can be...

http://aplus.com/a/premature-twins-all-grown-up

Listening to this story, at around 2 minutes, I immediately thought about Reiki and why it's important. These premature twins through human touch survived, thrived and are now young adults.

Just as important to infants, touch is life saving to everyone!

And more gets done!

Progress is progress

With all the Summer activities, I've been slacking with the Reiki Studio renovation, but yesterday I was able to get the priming finished!

I am now certified as a Reiki Master Teacher!

What a beautiful weekend with amazing people and a wonderful experience!

I feel so invigorated with love and peace and optimism!

I received my Reiki Master and Reiki Master Teacher certificates this weekend from Libby Barnett. And in the process met some remarkable people. Julie Hahn from Brigham and Women's Hospital attended with her daughter Brady Hahn (her own site). Her document from about volunteering at the hospital (click link here.) Julie will be writing a book about Reiki and the benefits seen through her work at the hospital. A recent article regarding Hospital Reiki Training Program (click here.)

I'm still buzzing from the energy and mindfulness of the two classes. I also discovered why I haven't painted my Reiki practice studio.... I can't say, but now I know and it's really wonderful. It will be completed very soon and as it should be.

And my biggest take-a-way from this experience, LOVE. Lead with Love. Be in the moment and be Love. And put into practice the 5 Reiki precepts.

At least for today:

Do not be angry,

Do not worry,

Be grateful,

Work with diligence,

Be kind to people.

And from the Brigham;

Namaste

Mixed emotions

So there have been a lot of things going on in my life lately and some have been good and some have been not-so-good. My emotions have been up and down as a result. I have been working on allowing myself to go where the Universe is leading me. I've been trying to not beat myself up for not getting things done in the time frame I imagined they would be.

For example, the studio space for my Reiki practice is still not finished off. Each weekend seems to have something planned that takes away from getting it done. But here's why I'm conflicted... These obstacles have been wonderful experiences. So, that is why I feel so mixed.

Breathe. That's what I need to do. Just breathe and love. Let love be my guide.

This weekend is my Reiki Master class with Libby Barnett and I'm really looking forward to that.

The next week I'm on vacation and will be visiting my oldest brother in North Carolina (I've never been down to see him there.)

And when I get back, I'll be "on-call" for my regular day job all weekend.

It won't be until August that I think I will be completely able to finish the studio and make my "Grand Opening" announcement.

Okay Universe. I will use this time to grow with my Reiki and intuition and find peace and patience.