Sleepless night

Here I am, exhausted and yet I can't fall asleep. My mind has been racing lately. Thinking about our world. So many sad things in the news and almost everywhere I turn. And yet I know that most people are good and that most of us are just trying to live our lives the best way we know how. Then why so much suffering? Why so many evil things going on? People killing, companies exploiting and polluting, governments keeping it's citizens down... It feels so hopeless and overwhelming at times. How can we survive as a planet with all this bad stuff? The answer is Love... But Love can be mysterious sometimes. Do we really know Love?

As a mother, I know the love that I have for my children. It's intense, boundless and painful all at the same time.

I love my husband because he's my other half. Some days I question how much I love him, but when I really think about it, I always come back to the same conclusion... He's my partner, friend, lover and father to my children. He's my family. That's love.

Do I love myself? I think we all question that. I love myself more now than I ever have, but is that enough? I question myself all the time. Am I being a good person? Am I doing a good job at work? Am I a good mother, wife, friend? Does anyone really love me?! (I know the answer is YES)

Allowing Love to be in my life was not as easy as you might think though. When I was a lot younger, I really didn't think I was lovable. And so I let people into my life that fed that belief. But deep down, I knew that wasn't right. I spent a long time climbing my way up to understanding that. And yet, on sleepless nights like tonight, I can still question my worth. Maybe this is just a way of revisiting and remembering and reminding myself that if I want to be loved, I have to give love.

Ying and Yang.
Give and take.
For every action, there is a reaction.

So, it comes down to making a deliberate decision. If Love is the most important something in the Universe, then I have to embrace it. Give love and be loved. Let go of all the reasons why I think I can't be loved. Let go of all the reasons why I think I can't love back.

Love without judgement.

If all the World could love without judgement, then I think Heaven would finally come to Earth.