As time passes...

I have neglected to update my blog in a very long time. A lot of things have happened since the last time I wrote anything. I had a personal set back that began in July 2015. Initially, it was a wonderful life event! I was pregnant again. My husband and I found out the day after our 10th Anniversary. We were excited and nervous. And for the first few weeks, everything went really well.

Then around the 8th week, I started to get really morning sick. And as the time went by, I was getting really ill. At 11 weeks, I had a scare with some bleeding, but the emergency room doctors assured me that everything was going to be fine and that I had nothing to be worried about.

When I followed up with my OB/GYN, things started to change.... The ultrasound detected something wrong with the amount of fluid around my baby. I decided to get the blood screening that detects chromosome issues and it came back that my baby had Downs Syndrome.  Although it wasn't the news I wanted to hear, it didn't change the fact that I wanted this baby and that SHE was already loved. My husband and I were going to love this little girl no matter what.

Well, I continued to get sicker... to the point I couldn't eat or drink anything without it coming back up. I was admitted to the hospital. It was a very rough time. I just wanted the nausea to stop! To add to the already difficult time, I received even more bad news. The ultra-sounds were showing that my baby was having more and more fluid building up.

I had two High Risk Specialist review the health of my baby.... And my health and they both determined that I was in grave risk of certain death... DEATH. ME..... Because of the health of my baby. Her lymph nodes were beginning to shut down and the doctors were concerned that my lymph nodes would start to do the same. It's called Mirror Syndrome. They were also concerned that I may start to suffer from Preeclampsia.

With this information, I was faced with the worst decision I would ever have to make. I would never have terminated my pregnancy in a million years... BUT, as my husband and doctors reminded me, I have two healthy and loving daughters that need their mother ALIVE... So, yes, with a heavy heart and a final ultrasound to make absolutely sure that there wasn't another chance... I decided to terminate my pregnancy.

Her name was Ashley Elizabeth. I have her cremated remains and her foot prints. That is all.

I'm still trying to recover, but it's going to be a long time. Her due date was April 5, 2016. She was only 15 weeks and 3 days when I had to say goodbye.